How journaling helps with self-doubt

And can build confidence to move forward

Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

Last month something happened on the work front that knocked my confidence a bit. It wasn’t a big thing, but then it doesn’t have to be, does it? Self doubt has a sneaky way of getting under your skin, if you let it.

I don’t know if it’s a gender thing (there will be an element of this I’m sure), a product of my upbringing (perhaps a specific incident that took place) or just that I happen to be a pretty sensitive person who feels stuff deeply in their soul - this is a strength of mine, I embrace it fully, I just have to keep an eye on the downsides of it because when you live with your heart wide open you also feel the knocks sharply too. It’s probably a mixture of all these things.

But after ‘the incident’ I felt an immediate urge to pull back. I went straight into blaming and doubting myself. Rather than getting curious and asking some good questions, I decided that I was “just a bit shit”. This is what self-criticism can do, and written down here I can see how damaging it is. Which is exactly why I think writing can be so helpful, it helps you to take a step back and see what’s going on more clearly.

A slight digression. Last week my daughter and I were talking after a football match. She’s just started wearing sports goggles and feels a little self-conscious. A player on the opposite team was wearing normal glasses and she was asking me why this was. She had decided that no one else likes wearing them because they make you look stupid. So we chatted about what other reasons there might be for this girl not wearing sports goggles. We came up with about fifty, I say we, she came up with most of them once we got going. We got curious. By the end of the conversation she was describing how lucky she was to have sports goggles because the other girl mustn’t have realised they were far comfier than normal glasses. Yep, job done. Sometimes our brains don’t give us the best (kindest) first reactions or answers, but there are always alternative possibilities to be explored.

My daughter had me to talk to. After my own confidence knock, when self-doubt started flooding my day, I was working from home, alone. I started writing a long text to a friend, which might have served me well. Said friend I know to be great at giving good advice and I knew would be a cheerleader (hurray for these friends). But first, I decided to grab my notebook and pen.

---

How I find journaling can help:

I started off by describing what had just happened.

This for me is the first step: noticing. Recognising and describing with a little detail how ‘the incident’ had impacted me. It was a physical reaction (which means I had properly attached myself to the feeling), so I wrote about that too. The way it had left me walking to the snack cupboard and back, my shoulders seemed to have slumped, my energy dipped. I tried to write not with judgement or unkindness, actually the opposite. With curiosity. With distance, almost as if observing myself walking to the shop. This doesn’t necessarily make the feelings pass (we feel what we feel), but it does allow me to get a bit of context.

Then I asked myself, “so, what is really going on here?”

I’m no therapist so I’m not suggesting that you go deep into places you’re not ready to go, or delve when you don’t have the right support to do so. BUT, if you feel able to have a little explore on the page, the answers might just interest you.

And it might not be an entirely internal exploration. Just like with my daughter’s football goggles, sometimes it can be about reviewing the situation with fresh eyes. Sometimes it can be realising that your self-doubt has clouded your judgement.“Is that actually true?” is a question I like to slot in to my writing, often leading to me reluctantly acknowledging that no, it’s not. I do an excellent line in catastrophizing.

I try to treat these ‘writes’ as opportunities. I see them as moments of self-care. And as such, they feel gentle and kind. I approach them like I’m my own favourite person, sitting down together and listening intently. Sometimes it serves me well not to dwell too long, a quick scribble and I can feel myself move on. Other times something is uncovered that I want to spend a little more time on. With this specific incident I felt like there was a reoccurring theme so I let myself explore a little longer. Then I always finish with the question,

“Ok, so what now? What does my most kick-ass, brilliant self need to hear or do next?”

I always like to finish on something forward looking and pro-actively positive. If I find myself writing, “I don’t want to…..xxxx” I try to imagine the opposite and write it as, “I want to….xxx,” or even better, “I will……” Sometimes there might be the odd action I need to take in order to move things on.

And I try to keep going for at least a page (!) with a ton of encouragement. Often this is not as difficult as it sounds because I get on a role (but I suppose I’m quite well-versed in this sort of paper-based cheerleading, I know it sounds weird, but honestly, it works for me). And yes, it is mega cheesy sometimes. It is the sort of stuff I am not gonna be sharing anywhere. I can say ALL the great things about myself. If it really does feel that awkward then know you can rip the pages out and put them in the bin. If that helps you to do your very best self-loving.

A snippet:

“Wanting to hide is a normal reaction but ultimately it does not protect me, it limits me and stops others from benefitting from my positive energy and all I have to give. I am so enthusiastic and optimistic, I can use these strengths here. I am ready to be entirely myself in the world.”

---

Don’t get me wrong, I still text my friend. Nothing beats a good pep talk from a mate. Talking this stuff through helps, my journaling isn’t ‘instead’ of that.

But because I’d moved out of the heat of the moment, I was also able to channel that text chat into a pep talk, rather than a moment of shared misery. Again, these have their place too and I’m partial to the shared complaining sesh. But by messaging with, “this happened, and it made me feel xxxx but you know what…” my pal got the hint and replied with, “Yessss mate. You are awesome.”

Yes I am. Yes I fucking am.

---

Journaling doesn’t take away my self doubt. Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I am an over-thinking machine and I have to keep a constant check on where I’m running for cover, that’s the honest truth. And I know this sort of writing might not work for everyone, it’s not a solo solution.

But it does help me to move forward from knock-backs much quicker than otherwise. It is one tool in the kit bag. I do feel a freshness and clarity of thought after journaling it out (depending on where I am in my menstrual cycle that is!! Some days carbs on carbs is the only solution). There is something about thinking on the page that helps me to press pause on the slope of self-deprecation and remove the momentum. That makes me take a look around in the process. Take a breathe before I let one incident throw out my entire day. Tie back up my laces.

And get ready to go again.

Here’s to writing out that self doubt :)

Nelly x