I want to see more women giving 60%

Do a half-assed job then get back to the good stuff

Photo by Wonderlane on Unsplash

Here’s the question I can’t stop asking.

Why are so many blatantly incompetent men blindly running the show while so many insanely competent women are busy (and I mean BUSY) working on the 1% of themselves that apparently isn’t up to scratch?

This is not an actual question. I know the answer.

But it has been on my mind a lot recently, for obvious reasons.
I’m gonna write about it, I thought. And so I did.

And then I spent two hours editing the hell out of what I’d written. Trying to sound more reasonable and less ragey and unhinged (right?!) Trying to sound ‘professional’ by which I mean, ‘worthy’- picking apart my sentence structures and tutting at my grammar which should be better. Trying to tone down my argument and be more balanced. Trying not to hear the voice in my head saying, “a million other people have written about this a million times before…and better” (please don’t let that be an argument to stop you writing or we are so very screwed).

By the end of the third hour, I’d decided not to publish it.

The irony isn’t lost on me.

(It also got me wondering more broadly about gender disparity when it comes to time spent editing and re-drafting and even deciding to press publish that maybe isn’t spoken about enough).

I’m not talking about a commitment to quality writing here, something that I’m sure most writers have. Of course it takes time to ensure our writing is the best it can be. I’m not advocating for the sending out of poorly written posts or ‘content’ filling garbage.

But rather how easy it is to edit ourselves and our writing so heavily that there’s not much of ourselves left on the page. How much time and energy goes on perfecting at the expense of just getting our work out there. How often I see unremarkable men bashing out their strong opinions and remarkable women second guessing and treading carefully with theirs. How as women there is this completely unreasonable pressure to be ‘impressive’ - in all areas of our lives.

Because although I’ve started out talking about writing here, I’m pretty certain it isn’t a writer-only issue.

At the weekend one of my fittest friends spent an inordinate amount of time debating if she was fit enough to join a beginners netball team. I’ve seen the quality of some male five-a-side football matches; there are a lot of guys on that field who let me tell you have not let fitness levels get in the way of their fun. There’s the regularly quoted stat around men applying for a job when they have 60% of the qualifications required, where women won’t apply until they can do 100% of the job criteria (there is some debate on the interpretation of this stat but reading this piece you still see a clear gender discrepancy with job applications - the bottom line being that women need to believe less in what we think are the ‘rules’). So potentially the whole job application process leans towards those in the world who inherently believe they are the dogs bollocks and ‘the rules are made to be broken’, while others (without bollocks but with massive brains) hold back on applying because they wait until they are 💯 sure they’re ready and have every last box ticked as required. I’d say all my friends who are parents are doing an obviously good job at raising their kids and yet all my friends who are parents could probably tell you within 30 seconds the one time they didn’t pack little Bobby a snack for swimming. And when I say parents, I mean mothers. But you knew that.

Here’s what I’d like to see more of. I’d like to see more women doing a half-assed job. More women, while doing a half-assed job, owning it. Not apologising for it, or worrying about the other 40%. Not suggesting (or hoping) we’ll make up the 40% later (you know in all our spare pockets of time between hanging washing out and running to meetings). Not judging ourselves on the impossibly high standards we didn’t set for ourselves. Owning our stories, our voices, our words, our writing, our opinions, our place in the world.

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To be clear, aiming for half-assed (or an alternative term - ‘60% ish’, or whatever you feel comfortable with, answers in the comments) isn’t about a race to the bottom - why would we ever join in that when others have had a few hundred years head start? Nor is it about emulating certain behaviours in line with what ‘success’ has or should look like. Tried that, didn’t work.

Being more half-assed is about recognising when half-assed is still MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH and full-assed (erm?) is tripping us up. Being more half-assed is refusing to buy into the “perfect woman” narrative that really does plague our lives. Doing a half-assed job is saying, “I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m gonna give it a go anyway and hope for the best”. Because, ‘hoping for the best’ doesn’t have to be reckless or destructive, it can be choosing to believe the best will come if you give it a shot. That’s powerful.

Do a distinctly mediocre job of organising that family dinner. Let the kids learn to cope with a missing PE kit or baked beans as their only veg this week - they’ll probs be ok. Blag that meeting. Skim read the book that’s not floating your boat (or even better, put it down). Pretend you saw the pre-read slides. Share your opinion when some guy starts spouting misogynist nonsense even when you’re not 100% sure about the stats on crimes against women. Buy a shop-made birthday cake. Send out the piece you’ve written after you’ve checked it over three or four times, not fifty (note to self). Write the piece you want to write, even if you don’t feel like ‘an expert’. Make the art you want to make.

Note: Do not do this if you are a doctor. This does not work for all professions 🤣.

Because while we’re editing our words and ourselves and aiming for nothing short of “perfect” the world is fucking burning. There is quite literally a ‘celebrity’ running one of the biggest countries (not ‘greatest’, let’s not fall into that trap) in the world (again). The tech bros are charging ahead with AI and making it up as they go along. We’ve given some unruly kids the keys to the kingdom and while we’re trying to do our best adulting (which is admirable), if we’re not careful there won’t be any adulting left to be done. We can afford to be a bit more teenage ourselves, a bit more belligerent with our beliefs, a bit more ‘all talk no slightly less action than we’d ideally like.’

Tell me what you’re not qualified for and let me suggest that you DO IT ANYWAY. You can learn on the job if necessary. Tell me what you’re second guessing and let me suggest that you listen to your instinct, take a deep breath and practise taking a chance. Tell me how you need to tidy your house because your MIL is coming round and you don’t want her to see the state you live in and… you don’t need me to suggest anything. You know.

If you’re a big hearted woman (or any decent human being) who cares about the world and all the people in it, I’m gonna take a punt and say you can’t go far wrong. I’m gonna take a guess that your “just ok” will still be ten times better than some of the white, entitled, over-promoted men in our lives. I’m gonna stick my neck out and say you’re a safer bet than the alternative.

We need to get our half-assed, imperfect, un-showered, ill-prepared selves onto this shit show of a dance floor so we can start making some circles of our own.

And when someone does a dodgy dance move (which they will) can we all agree not to demand they leave the floor immediately. To keep in mind good intentions and that we have to be able to go wrong along the way. Nip to the toilet or something for a quiet word if necessary but no cancelling, that’s not cool. It’s just another trap. Unless you are actually a right-wing, woman-hating, climate-change denying racist. You can’t be in our circle.

So there you have it. Not the original piece I drafted but a better one I believe.

When it comes to writing on here, my new thinking is gonna be that if don’t have the odd spelling mistake or that nervous feeling in my tummy that maybe I’ve been too outspoken, then I’ve not done my job. Because I see my job here as writing my truths and cheerleading for other women. Not to win any literary writing awards (though of course I wouldn’t pass them back, haha). My job at home is to raise kids that know right from wrong, understand what real happiness and kindness looks like and grow up wanting that FOR EVERYONE. Not a great costume for World Book Day (or whatever).

So tell me, where in your life do you think you could you do a more half-assed job? Or celebrate and shout about doing a ‘half-assed’ but actually entirely justifiable job if you are already? Because that matters too. Otherwise we inadvertently give out the message that we’re doing a shit job when we’re not. We’re really not.

Where are you giving 110% when 60% would probably do?

You might find that there’s one particular area that is very sticky. I know mine (I’m not even joking, I’ve just checked this piece AGAIN, ffs). And I know that on the other side of that fear about needing everything to be just right is a whole lot of freedom.

What might happen if you stopped? (I’m not being blàse about this being easy btw)

It’s a genuine question. I’m interested in whether it’s just me who is plugging away at debilitating perfection and censoring myself incase someone else does it for me.

I’d like to hear from you. I’d like to hear from you loud and clear.

Nelly

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