Thank you for such a thoughtful post. So much time, thought, research and heart has gone into this.
I think about this so so much. Patriarchal power is self perpetuating because it thrives on a platform, on being ‘upfront’ and dominating. The men who make the deepest difference to shaking this model are getting up with the kids, making the sandwiches, enabling women…and this is so much more behind the scenes.
I love Jackson Katz’s intro here where, although he has a platform, he credits decades of women before him:
And how he talks about calling in men and calling it leadership (unlike the global models we are given 😢).
Year 7 is another level of immersion into the patriarchy isn’t it. Those who don’t fit into the ‘man box’ are soon made to know it. And those who bend themselves to fit become separated from their full selves. I think (hope) keeping patriarchy in our minds as a system rather than ‘men,’ a power rather than people, may steer us to notice the system at work more and think critically about it more (our boys included - especially them 🤍). It’s so hard. Thank you for this wonderful piece x
This really made me think. I love Jordan Stephen’s writing. Not for younger eyes but he writes beautifully about this kind of thing from a male perspective.
Thank you for this. So heartening to know others are feeling this way. (I have a 15 year old son). Sonia Sodha article in Guardian today also worth a read. I’ll check out those recommendations, it will help to know other brains are trying to deal with this. So much I could say, but I keep returning to the need for local, male, great youth workers. Golden, so desperately needed. Until then, good luck parents xxxx
I was going to recommend Ruth Whippman -- she is great. I always thought I would have girls and spent most of my pre-kids life working with girls professionally, and then, surprise!! I'm mom to boys and only boys. In some ways I think it's a gift, because I have fewer preconceptions about boys and the ones I did have have been shattered by raising boys. My husband's been a good role model and there are lots of great male role models at our church, which is very progressive. On two occasions in the past six months men have cried when speaking publicly at church and I love that my kids see that as something "normal." I'm lucky in that my boys are still young and willing to be influenced by me, but I do worry about who they will have to look to in the broader culture as so many of the men at the top are behaving so badly -- and being rewarded for it.
Oh, this is brilliant! And as the mother of boys I feel this in my very bones. My boys are now 19 and 18 and helping them to navigate this phase of their lives with the constant mixed messages they receive from social media is a real challenge. Neither of them use IG/FB or TikTok. But they do use YouTube and they both report a constant battle of muting/blocking that's needed to keep Andrew Tate's 💩 off their timelines
Ruth whippmans book is 99p to down load on the kindle today if anyone wants to buy it! After reading this post again yesterday, I had a quick look!
Thank you for such a thoughtful post. So much time, thought, research and heart has gone into this.
I think about this so so much. Patriarchal power is self perpetuating because it thrives on a platform, on being ‘upfront’ and dominating. The men who make the deepest difference to shaking this model are getting up with the kids, making the sandwiches, enabling women…and this is so much more behind the scenes.
I love Jackson Katz’s intro here where, although he has a platform, he credits decades of women before him:
https://www.google.com/search?q=jackson+Katz&client=safari&sca_esv=bb72d535a07d16c1&hl=en-gb&sxsrf=AHTn8zq_zQsphMVaPaVHiQYxOZ5IV46gXg:1741541415356&udm=7&fbs=ABzOT_DnPN66xNYYiVBYF80MNa9-gC2wBylaFT0vQBAPD0yEL1fvujUrVNvlOBp6fCQFlxoW8uhhreiOeNli7ks9eNeB0TDYBN2nwjIqKgM1xqCEtPdhcHqmOjpuD4VMyGkVmNd4H5jQRWK0TXm07LMsAQ79iUUge__xNXd0cQc2dWQi8FU1jtgoJH9G1fMDif-mXYkhVW2KbrdeoxnHG7rV6aMEQ6JvI--stUvTyf9CEnUzn0II0Jc&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjq1LGrw_2LAxUIgP0HHQnNJjsQtKgLegQIDRAB&biw=393&bih=656&dpr=3#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:fbe2b548,vid:KTvSfeCRxe8,st:0
And how he talks about calling in men and calling it leadership (unlike the global models we are given 😢).
Year 7 is another level of immersion into the patriarchy isn’t it. Those who don’t fit into the ‘man box’ are soon made to know it. And those who bend themselves to fit become separated from their full selves. I think (hope) keeping patriarchy in our minds as a system rather than ‘men,’ a power rather than people, may steer us to notice the system at work more and think critically about it more (our boys included - especially them 🤍). It’s so hard. Thank you for this wonderful piece x
This really made me think. I love Jordan Stephen’s writing. Not for younger eyes but he writes beautifully about this kind of thing from a male perspective.
Thank you for this. So heartening to know others are feeling this way. (I have a 15 year old son). Sonia Sodha article in Guardian today also worth a read. I’ll check out those recommendations, it will help to know other brains are trying to deal with this. So much I could say, but I keep returning to the need for local, male, great youth workers. Golden, so desperately needed. Until then, good luck parents xxxx
I was going to recommend Ruth Whippman -- she is great. I always thought I would have girls and spent most of my pre-kids life working with girls professionally, and then, surprise!! I'm mom to boys and only boys. In some ways I think it's a gift, because I have fewer preconceptions about boys and the ones I did have have been shattered by raising boys. My husband's been a good role model and there are lots of great male role models at our church, which is very progressive. On two occasions in the past six months men have cried when speaking publicly at church and I love that my kids see that as something "normal." I'm lucky in that my boys are still young and willing to be influenced by me, but I do worry about who they will have to look to in the broader culture as so many of the men at the top are behaving so badly -- and being rewarded for it.
Perfection in a post - I feel all of this constantly about raising Archer, praying male role models are coming soon.
Oh, this is brilliant! And as the mother of boys I feel this in my very bones. My boys are now 19 and 18 and helping them to navigate this phase of their lives with the constant mixed messages they receive from social media is a real challenge. Neither of them use IG/FB or TikTok. But they do use YouTube and they both report a constant battle of muting/blocking that's needed to keep Andrew Tate's 💩 off their timelines